Yay! I'm so happy to be going back to school, now that I have a new direction and all! Everything is complete, and all I'm waiting for is my FAFSA!!!!
Otto: Here's your mail from today, it's from CNM.
Me: Okay, cool, maybe they've already given me financial aid! *RIIIIIIP*
Your FAFSA ... blah blah blah... has been selected for review by the department of education. Please submit COPIES of your taxes, your parents taxes, both W-2 forms, your birth certificate, your social security card, your grandfather's social security card. The death certificate of your mother's aunts second cousin twice removed, your prepuce (if applicable), a complete copy of yours and your parents genome and your right kidney.
This verification is completely random, and it has nothing to do with how much we trust our students to not make errors on our applications, even though we already make it as contrived as possible. After all, it wasn't difficult for you to have someone drive you to your parents house to get their tax information, sit for several hours deciphering the language that we use on your FREE application for federal student AIDS-- er, aid, and double check to make sure that you didn't miss anything, was it? No, your parents don't live on the complete opposite side of town. Your parents also don't make you fill out everything yourself, even though it says "Parents" on it. We are Jedi.
Thank you for your cooperation,
and by the way, we will send a law enforcement Clydesdale horse to assrape you if we find ANY inconsistencies on your application.
Again, thank you for your cooperation.
Have a nice day!
~CNM Financial Aid bureau-- I mean, department~"
I forgot how fun Financial Aid was :)